If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
