I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
ugly people sure do ruin things
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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