Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
