It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
