Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
