People with herpes should wear stickers.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
