I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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