So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
