Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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