Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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