I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I pour the whiskey from now on
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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