I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
