The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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