I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
