Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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