If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
