dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
