where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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