respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
