yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
