Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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