dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
