my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
