i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
