Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
