i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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