Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
