Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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