I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i came on her dog
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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