I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
