so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
