I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
