im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
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