nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize