Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
