My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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