I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
