No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
