her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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