Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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