I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't deserve a penis
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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