Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
