I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
