I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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