What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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