That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
