I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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