The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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