the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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