I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
