I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
