every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Redeem this text for a blowjob
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
