I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
