Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
