you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
