I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
