I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
