You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
