so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
