but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
