I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize