Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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