guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
