matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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