Small penises have feelings too.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
