Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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