when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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