it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize