if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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