We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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