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I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
