Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
how do flat chested girls get laid?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
