he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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