I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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