The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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